4 April 2020: “This is what you shall do; Love the earth and sun and the animals,
despise riches, give alms to every one that asks, stand up for the
stupid and crazy, devote your income and labor to others, hate tyrants,
argue not concerning God, have patience and indulgence toward the
people, take off your hat to nothing known or unknown or to any man or
number of men, go freely with powerful uneducated persons and with the
young and with the mothers of families, read these leaves in the open
air every season of every year of your life, re-examine all you have
been told at school or church or in any book, dismiss whatever insults
your own soul, and your very flesh shall be a great poem." - Walt
Whitman
Tonight's installment of the Mike Nedrow Chronicles requires a content warning for sexual assault!
Mike Nedrow was the most cool, calm, collected person I have ever met.
I came into Garrett County like a hurricane and it felt like most
people didn't quite know what to do with me, but not Mike. I made him
blush a lot, sure, but I tend to have that effect on people. His effect
on me was just the opposite though. He made me feel safe and calm, and
for a person with severe PTSD, that is extremely important. I cannot
emphasize enough the value of finding safe people and safe places. Mike
Nedrow was safe, and he proved it again and again.
One day,
early in 2009, I was sexually assaulted by another student inside my car
in the campus parking lot. I will spare you the details. People with
PTSD (and those who know anything about it) will know that there are
four common responses to trauma: fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. In
this situation, I froze. I was paralyzed. Most of what I remember was
the dude laughing as he walked away from my car, blowing a kiss, and
saying he would see me in class. I sat there, frozen, for what seemed
like hours but was probably only actually a few minutes.
I
couldn't think of what to do. I was still relatively new to the area
and I was legitimately freaked out. Without even consciously deciding
to do so, I ran to the math lab. I knew Mike would be there and that I
would be safe. I was correct on both counts. After a while I broke
down and told him what happened. He didn't interrogate me about what I
had done to provoke it. He didn't accuse me of anything. He believed
me. He listened and he believed me. He asked what I needed from him. I
said I just needed him to be there with me.
Later, he took me to
talk to someone, the dean of something something, who refused to
believe me or do anything about it. The police wouldn't do anything
because I hadn't been "physically hurt." No one at the college believed
me or was willing to do anything, except Mike. Unfortunately, there
was nothing he could do, and I had to share a classroom with my
assaulter for months, until eventually he dropped out or something.
After that debacle, I knew that no matter what happened, Mike would
always be there for me. He was safe and I knew I could trust him and he
would never hurt or betray me. He saved me that day, and many times
after. He looked out for me. I could tell him anything, and there was
never any judgment or awkwardness. I could be my true authentic self
and he could be his. It was the most intimate relationship I have ever
had with a man.
I know we've all heard a million times that
everyone comes into your life for a reason. I used to tell Mike that I
didn't deserve him as a friend and he would respond that clearly I did
deserve him because there he was, being my friend. I don't know what
the "reason" was, but I could fill a book with everything I learned from
him and all of the ways he changed my life. Apparently I'm doing that,
one post at a time.
No comments:
Post a Comment